Interdependence and Reliance on God

I’ve spent much of my life building a fortress of independence. I wanted to be the one who could handle things on my own, the one who didn’t need anyone. I thought that was the way to success, the way to protect myself, the way to prove that I had it all together. What I didn’t realize was that the desire for independence—this instinct to push away help or support—was a form of trauma response, a defense mechanism developed over time to protect me from pain, disappointment, or worst of all vulnerability.

In a world that often equates strength with independence, I couldn’t see how interdependence might be the key to thriving in both relationships and business. But as I continued my unraveling journey, God began to gently dismantle that wall I had so carefully built. And let me tell you, there were truths I didn’t see coming.

Interdependence as a Trauma Response

For years, I thought I was just being strong, self-sufficient, and capable - responsible even. I thought that if I could prove to the world that I didn’t need anyone else, I could avoid the pain and vulnerability that comes from relying on others and them letting you down. But what I now recognize is that this “self-made” mentality was rooted in a deeper wound—a trauma response that stemmed from past experiences where I had felt abandoned, unsupported, or betrayed. As a young child unable to understand - let alone process my feelings, I did the one thing that made sense, I built walls to protect myself from ever feeling vulnerable again.

It wasn’t until I started doing the work—counseling, praying, reflecting, and seeking God’s guidance—that I began to see the flaw in my thinking. I realized that true strength doesn’t lie in self-reliance. In fact, the more I relied on myself, the more isolated and disconnected I became. True strength, I now see, lies in interdependence—the ability to depend on God, to lean on others when needed, and to recognize that we were never meant to do this alone.

The Call to Come Like a Child

On this unravelling journey, God led me to a passage that absolutely wrecked me. Jesus says in Matthew 18:3, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Let that sink in.

I had been so focused on building my life in a way that I thought would protect me—creating a structure where I didn’t need anyone else—that I had completely missed the point. God’s original design for us was always one of dependence—not on others in an unhealthy way, but on Him. God intended for us to rely on Him like children rely on their parents.

Think about it: children don’t question their need for their parents. They don’t try to build a life that avoids asking for help. They don’t fear dependence. They trust. They rest in their parents’ love, provision, and care. And God, in His infinite wisdom, designed us to come to Him like children—fully reliant on His love, guidance, and strength.

Coming to Terms with True Strength

When I came to terms with the truth, it felt like a deep, soul-shaking revelation. For so much of my life, I had built walls to protect myself, striving to avoid needing anyone, believing that independence was the key to security and success. I thought I was constructing a future that would provide peace and stability, but in reality, I had been building a cage of isolation.

The realization that my self-reliance and self-sufficiency had been hindering me from fully stepping into God’s design for my life was a bitter yet necessary pill to swallow. God’s kingdom isn’t built on our self-reliance—it’s built on complete, utter surrender to Him.

The hardest part about this revelation was facing the truth: I don’t have it all together, and I’m not meant to. It’s not about being the one who can handle everything on my own. It’s about trusting that God is the one who strengthens me, who carries me, and who empowers me to do what He’s called me to do. As Romans 8:15 reminds us: “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’” God is our Father, and we are His children. He doesn’t call us to live in fear or isolation. Instead, He calls us to come to Him with the trust and dependency of a child.

The more I learned to lean on God, the more I realized that interdependence isn’t weakness—it’s the greatest strength. Admitting that I needed help, that I couldn’t do it all on my own, was humbling. But in that humility, I opened myself up to God’s grace, provision, and love. It’s in this vulnerability that we experience the fullness of His power, wisdom, and purpose for our lives. It’s not about what we can do in our own strength, but what He can do through us when we let go of our need for control and rely fully on Him.

Embracing God’s Design

If you’re like me and you’ve been building your life on the idea that you have to have it all figured out—that you can’t rely on anyone, even God—take a deep breath. There’s no shame in needing God, and there’s no shame in needing others. God’s design for us was always one of interdependence. We were meant to need Him and to be part of a community of believers who walk alongside us in this journey.

The sooner we acknowledge this, the sooner we can step into the freedom that God offers—the freedom to rest in His love, to trust in His provision, and to rely on His strength. And when we do, we begin to build a life that is centered around God’s wisdom, His love, and His guidance—a life that flourishes in the way He originally designed it to.

Let that truth sink in: God’s kingdom isn’t about how much we can do on our own. It’s about how much we can trust Him and rely on His strength.

And when we embrace that, we find peace—peace that only comes when we come to Him like little children, trusting and fully dependent on our Heavenly Father.